More Examples

Questions to think about

What do you like best about parenting? What do you like best about yourself as a parent? Who did you learn about parenting from? How were you raised?

What kind of child are you trying to raise?
Who helps you when you have questions about your children?
How are you a role model for your children?
What kind of advice do you get from other parents about raising your children? What kind of advice do you accept?

Some parents say...

"Part of how I parent has to do with how I was raised, and it wasn’t all good. I try to keep the good things from what my parents did."
"When I am just being myself, who I really am, that is good for my kids."
"You need to learn a lot about child development. I didn’t always know what was going on when my kids were young, and it made things hard."
"My kids are my best teacher. I’ve learned from my kids that every kid is different."

Parents Need Friends

Questions to think about

Who do you rely on for support? What difference do they make in your life?
Who are you a friend to?
Have your friends changed since you’ve become a parent? In what ways? How do your friends support you as a parent?
Do you have friends who take advantage of you or put your child or you at risk?
How do you teach your child about what a friend is?
When did your friends really pull together to help you get something done? When did you help a friend that needed it?

Some parents say...

"My support system helps me make it through the hard times."
"When I was looking for an early childhood center, I made a point of looking for one with activities where parents could connect."
"I need to have more communication with my neighbors. We could help each other."
"I try to have an ‘entourage’ of people that look forward to seeing me."
"As a younger parent, I don’t have much of a support system of friends to talk about parenting with."

I'm building friendships by:

"Going to events and programs at my child’s preschool. It’s made my network a lot bigger."
"Looking at my current friendships and focusing on the ones that help me be the best parent I can be."
"Making sure I get the help I need, even if it means going outside my circle of friends."

Part Natural & Part Learned

Raising children can be confusing at times. From good nutrition to healthy ways to discipline our children, there’s a lot to know.Some things will come naturally, but learning more about what children really need will make you a better parent, and that will help our children be good parents when they have kids.

Find out about classes, books and support groups. Get advice from other parents and from the staff of your childhood center.

Questions to think about

What do you like best about parenting? What do you like best about yourself as a parent?
Who did you learn about parenting from?
How were you raised?
What kind of child are you trying to raise?
Who helps you when you have questions about your children?
How are you a role model for your children?
What kind of advice do you get from other parents about raising your children? What kind of advice do you accept?

Some parents say...

"Part of how I parent has to do with how I was raised, and it wasn’t all good. I try to keep the good things from what my parents did."
"When I am just being myself, who I really am, that is good for my kids."
"You need to learn a lot about child development. I didn’t always know what was going on when my kids were young, and it made things hard."
"My kids are my best teacher. I’ve learned from my kids that every kid is different."

I'm building my knowledge by...

"Talking with my child’s teacher. She has good observations of my child’s development and gives me ideas to use at home."
"Being choosy about which advice I take. If something doesn’t sound right to me, I check it with another person I trust. I’m always learning, but I know my child best."
"Using trusted Web sites to get resources and information."

Questions to think about

What kinds of help do you ask for?
What keeps you from asking for or getting help?
How do you find out where to get help when you need it? Who do you ask? Where do you look?
When you find 'good help' how do you make sure other parents know about it? What are ways that parents can 'pool' their knowledge so that others get the help they need, when they need it?
When you have lots to deal with, and need help sorting things out - where do you go? Who do you turn to who can really listen so you can decide what steps to take?

Some parents say...

"Sometimes pride gets in the way of me asking for help. I need to put those thoughts aside for the sake of my family."
"It’s hard asking for help—I’ve felt embarrassed before."
"Help is sometimes hard to find—and good help sometimes even harder."
"I grew up believing that men don’t ask for help and that I needed to handle it all by myself."
"One time I asked for help...it made things worse."

I've gotten help by:

“I talked to someone I knew in the neighborhood who was going through what I was going through. They gave me all the information and helped me navigate the system.”
“Sharing what I know—I’ve learned I’m a pretty good resource myself!”
”Using the Family Yellow Pages I got at my church.”
”Going to my family support center. They’re connected to all the services families need.”
“Using trusted Web sites to get resources and information.”

Questions to think about

How does your child get along with other kids? Is he able to solve problems that come up? What ways do you help?
When your child is sad or angry, how do you help her understand those feelings and express them in a positive way?
How do you express sadness and anger around your children? Think about a time when your child was having a rough time and things turned out well. What did you do?
Think about a time when your child was having a rough time and things turned out well. What did you do?
What's the best way to handle a child who is having a hard time or acting out?
How do you both recognize and accept your child's feelings, and still expect them to follow your directions when they don't want to?

Some parents say...

"I used to think it was all about getting my child to behave—now I realize it's about helping her learn to manage her feelings."
"I was so embarrassed when my child was biting that I had a hard time reacting calmly."
"At our preschool, a child was acting out. Instead of hitting him, the teacher talked with him calmly and got him to apologize to the class. I was amazed and thought, 'How did she do that?"
"I think it's important for my daughter to have her own voice—it lets her know that I value her opinion and that I want to know how she feels."
"This sounds weird, but I didn't actually think of my son as a person with feelings until he told me how he felt. He learned that in preschool."
"I wouldn't have thought the 'kind and gentle approach' would work—but it really does."
"For me, listening was important. Now I can see what makes my daughter tick."

I'm helping my children communicate when...

"I get beyond my own feelings of shame, embarrassment, frustration, or anger to really understand what she is going through."
"I ask him, 'How does that make you feel?''
"I help her understand what she is feeling—for example, by saying, 'You look sad.'"
"I make time to talk with him."
"She tells me she's had a bad day."
"I can tell what he's feeling by the specific way he's crying…so I give it a name – to help him 'use his words' and understand his own feelings."

Questions to think about

What does it mean to respect a child, and why is it important?
In what ways do you think of your child as an individual?
Can you describe your child's personality? What is he like? What is he not like?
How do your children know you love them? How do you express it?
What makes it hard to express love for your children?
Is it hard for you to express love for your children? (this is a closed question)
How are your children different from each other? How does this influence your parenting?

Some parents say...

"It bothered me that I wasn't feeling close to my baby. We saw a counselor who helped me understand that she really was responding to me, and how I could tell."
"I realized that everything happens through the relationship I have with my child. Discipline has to come from within that relationship."
"It makes me sad to see children whose parents treat them like toys or status symbols."
"My friend helped me see that parenting is about meeting my child's emotional needs—not the other way around."
"I used to think of my child as a miniature adult. When I learned more about child development, it was easier for me to understand him."
"I realized that my child's life, friendships, troubles, sadness, happiness—all are as important to him as mine are to me."

I'm giving my child love and respect when:

"I'm giving myself love and respect."
"I don't let my own troubles interfere with her life or our time together."
"He confides in me."
"We laugh together."
"I can get over my own issues and remember it's not all about me."
"I feel happy just looking at her."
"I buy different foods for each of them because I know their individual tastes."
"I understand the importance of different things in his life. When something goes wrong, I'm sad with him, because I know what it means to him."